Thursday, October 13, 2005
alot of times nowadays i find myself feeling quite lonely. i don't know why...i just feel alone. with my brother gone it feels like im an only child. and my dad is always away. so it's usually just my mum and i. and my mum has alot of her own things to do too. so quite often i find myself alone at home with no one here to talk to. esp at night. like now. sometimes i don't even know what to do with myself when im at home. and i find myself envying pple with siblings to talk to and keep them company. haha it's quite strange. maybe loneliness is the reason why i've been so moody lately. i wish i had someone to talk to now.
i guess i don't really know what to say. i just can't find the words to say it. to miss pple whom you meet and spend time with everyday..i think it's far worse than missing someone who's far away from you. it's like this invisible barrier that you can't cross. and you spend all your time thinking and remembering how things were like when the barrier wasn't there, constantly reminded of it. and you get scared when it gradually gets harder and harder to remember what it felt like to not have a barrier there. it's like sitting in a boat at sea watching the place you came from slowly get smaller and further away. you want to go back. but the tide just carries you, sweeping you away from how things once were. and you can't do anything except watch the distance between you and the shore grow larger and larger.
jacq was here at 9:01 PM***
